Taps

 

Not many people wax lyrical about their kitchen tap, so I’d like to sing the virtues of mine.

When the original was fitted some years ago, water pooled around it. Being short-sighted and therefore less observant than the average person I did not realise that my brand new tap had several tiny holes along its horizontal brass top. These holes sprayed water into the air like mini fountains whenever I turned the tap on.

It took five years before I realised.

I quite like quirky things, so I rather enjoyed this mini fountain display. Then when the tap started to drip. I coped with that too. A sponge strategically placed, and the tin drumming sound was instantly muffled.

I used to attach the hose pipe to the kitchen tap in order to water the garden. This worked fine for many years, until one day when after watering the garden I came back inside to discover that water was dripping down the kitchen windows. The mini fountains had become larger and were now spraying water high into the room.

So the next idea was cling film.

I wondered why I hadn’t thought of that before. But somehow the cling film idea didn’t quite work. Water seeped into it making it bulge like a rather heavy soggy nappy.

Still for a while it served.

Then while I was out of the country something inside the taps gave up completely. Water would only drizzle if you were lucky, and if you waited awhile. And the clunking sound (which I’d forgotten to mention as over the years had become so familiar and was hardly noticed) became louder.

Squinting closer at the tap I realised that tiny stalactites had formed where the water had leaked out from the cling film, and below them was a soggy mess.

So now there is a bright new tap in the kitchen.

After the new plumber fitted it it worked perfectly, but as soon as he had gone it began to play up.

Turn the water off and the flow stops instantly. Take four steps away, and there’s a  sudden dribble of splattering water.

“Is it supposed to do that?” the ex-teenager asked.

“Dunno,” I replied.

But secretly I was pleased.

Seems this new tap has character too!